The funny quips and quotes thread

[MetroidMst]

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[03:15] <KentaKurodani> trying to actually play through eris
[03:16] <KentaKurodani> never gotten very far
[03:16] <passarbye> you haven't finished it yet?
[03:16] <passarbye> must play bro
[03:16] <KentaKurodani> ive never even seen kraid
[03:16] <@MetroidMst> Which version are you playing?
[03:16] <KentaKurodani> 2023
[03:16] <KentaKurodani> 12 even
[03:16] <@MetroidMst> lol
[03:17] <@MetroidMst> ERIS 2023 NOW CONFIRMED
[03:17] <KentaKurodani> DONT TELL DMAN I TOLD YOU

Step on it DMan, only 10 years left!

[JAM]

<MetroidMst> Let's see. . . I have not never had sex with Kesha involved, whereas she has.

"Kesha" is a male name in our country, by the way =)

[MetroidMst]

I am not surprised by that actually.

[JAM]

As for the star named Ke$ha... Yes, I'd like to have sex with her too. =) She's sexy, crazy and hot!

[MetroidMst]

I would not want to have sex with anyone whose name could be used as a redneck word for a condiment.

[Quietus]

Nah, it's much easier to be like me, and just do anything with a pulse.  Even that may not be necessary if you're quick enough. :twisted:

[Quote58]

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<Quote58> WELL FUCK YOU
<ZeroOne> NO YOU
* Quote58 has kicked ZeroOne from #CloudIRC (must we?)
* ZeroOne (~ZeroOne@badrick.plus.com) has joined
<zbot> oh fuck run
* ChanServ gives voice to ZeroOne
<ZeroOne> we must
* Quote58 has kicked ZeroOne from #CloudIRC (well if that's how you want it)
* ZeroOne (~ZeroOne@badrick.plus.com) has joined
* ChanServ gives voice to ZeroOne
<zbot> oh fuck run
<ZeroOne> that's the way uh huh uh huh i like it uh huh uh huh
* Quote58 has kicked ZeroOne from #CloudIRC (well if you want it baby, you got itttt)
* ZeroOne (~ZeroOne@badrick.plus.com) has joined
<zbot> oh fuck run
* ChanServ gives voice to ZeroOne
<ZeroOne> wheeeeeee

[Quote58]

<Quote58> it is my mission
<Quote58> my goal
<Quote58> my adventure
<ZeroOne> Your...
* Quote58 was just playing zelda
<Quote58> so
<ZeroOne> ( •_•)
<ZeroOne> ( •_•)>¬■-■
<ZeroOne> (¬■_■)
<ZeroOne> Zero Mission
<Quote58> hahahahahahaha
<Quote58> YES

[ProjectXVIII]

squishy was too lazy to do it, therefore...

[spoiler]

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    <ProjectXVIII> IMAGINE A MOSQUITO SUCKING BLOOD OUT OF YOUR DICK FROM THE INSIDE
    <ProjectXVIII> BUT YOU JUST PISSED SO YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT
    <ProjectXVIII> SO YOU'RE FORCED TO FURIOUSLY FAP UNTIL YOU CUM
    <ProjectXVIII> AND YOU CUM OUT A MOSQUITO
    <ProjectXVIII> BUT YOU ALSO CUM BLOOD OUT
    <ProjectXVIII> WHAT IF YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE WEIRD FLIES THAT LIKE BURROWS INTO YOU
    <ProjectXVIII> AND IT BURROWED INTO YOUR NUTS
    <ProjectXVIII> AND LEFT A BUNCH OF MAGGOTS IN THERE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND EVERY TIME YOU CAME
    <ProjectXVIII> YOU JUST CAME LOADS OF MAGGOTS
    <GrumpeiYokoi> No, you'd come loads of flies
    <ProjectXVIII> OH GOD
    <ProjectXVIII> THAT'S EVEN WORSE
    <ProjectXVIII> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    <ProjectXVIII> JUST LIKE
    <ProjectXVIII> YOU'RE FAPPING
    <ProjectXVIII> AND IT HURTS
    <ProjectXVIII> AND YOUR BALLS HURT
    <GrumpeiYokoi> LORD OF THE FLIES
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEY'RE ALL SWOLLEN AND RED
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN YOU FINALLY CUM
    <ProjectXVIII> AND TIME JUST SLOWS DOWN GREATLY FOR A MOMENT
    <ProjectXVIII> AS YOU SEE WINGS POKE OUT OF YOUR DICKHOLE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN SUDDENLY A TORRENT OF FLIES JUST BURSTS OUT
    <ProjectXVIII> AND YOU START SCREAMING
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN YOUR PARENTS BURST INTO YOUR ROOM BECUASE YOU WERE SCREAMING
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEY SEE YOU WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN, HAND ON COCK, SPEWING FLIES IN EVERY DIRECTION
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN YOUR PARENTS START SCREAMING
    <ProjectXVIII> AND YOU TRY TO RUN AWAY BECUASE YOU'RE EMBARASSED AND SCARED
    <ProjectXVIII> BUT THEY'RE BLOCKING THE DOOR
    <ProjectXVIII> SO YOU CUM FLIES IN THEIR FACE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN YOU RUN OUT OF THE HOUSE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND YOU GET HIT BY AN ICE CREAM TRUCK
    <ProjectXVIII> ALL WHILE STILL CUMMING FLIES
    <ProjectXVIII> UNTIL THEY TAKE YOU TO THE PLACE WHERE THEY DO THE AUTOPSY
    <ProjectXVIII> I FORGOT WHAT THAT PLACE IS CALLED
    <ProjectXVIII> IS IT JUST A MORGUE?
    <ProjectXVIII> EITHER WAY
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN THEY CUT YOUR BALLS OPEN
    <ProjectXVIII> AND JUST AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF FLIES COME OUT
    <ProjectXVIII> AND QUICKLY FILL UP THE ROOM
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN THE GUYS WHO WERE PERFORMING THE AUTOPSY GET SUFFOCATED IN CUMFLIES
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THE ROOM JUST GETS PACKED AND PACKED
    <ProjectXVIII> UNTIL EVENTUALLY SOMEBODY OPENS THE DOOR TO THE ROOM
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THE FLIES JUST FLOOD OUT
    <ProjectXVIII> AND EVENTUALLY THEY ENCIRCLE THE WHOLE WORLD
    <ProjectXVIII> BUT THERE ARE SO MANY FLIES THAT THEY EVEN STRETCH OUT BEYOND OUR ATMOSPHERE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN EVENTUALLY THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM IS FILLED WITH FLIES
    <ProjectXVIII> THE ENTIRE GALAXY
    <ProjectXVIII> THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND THEN AT THE END OF THE MOVIE
    <ProjectXVIII> IT ZOOMS OUT OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND OUT OF THE VERY FIRST CUMFLY'S EYE
    <ProjectXVIII> AND IT SHOWS IT BURROWING INTO THE GUY'S NUTSACK.
    <ProjectXVIII> Hollywood gold right there
    <ProjectXVIII> Make it happen.
[/spoiler]

[Crashtour99]

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[06:07] <SMILEuser96> Someone beep me?
[06:07] <crash|hax> yer
[06:07] <crash|hax> you interested in editing the title screen sequence?
[06:08] <SMILEuser96> It would be good to have something different sometimes
[06:08] <zbot> YOU SAID THE SECRET WORD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[06:08] <zbot> [would would would would would would would would would]
[06:09] <crash|hax> I'm just contemplating if I should add RAM address tweaks so that people can make the horizontal slides vertical instead, and vice versa
[06:09] <SMILEuser96> I would use them
[06:09] <zbot> YOU SAID THE SECRET WORD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[06:09] <zbot> [would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would]
[06:09] <SMILEuser96> Oh come on


[Quietus]

I thought this would probably fit best here. :^_^:

[Vismund Cygnus]

I thought this would probably fit best here. :^_^:

Unfortunately this was confirmed as a hoax, but hilarious nonetheless.  :heheh:

This on the other hand, is not a hoax.
(For some context, Here's the whole log of what we were talking about. Person suggested a low% & no damage run of Super Metroid, which we actually worked out could mostly be done at 20%, aside for one (possibly 2) points with required damage. It was a pretty interesting convo.)

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[16:51:00] <Vismund> Low% sounds theoretically impossible to do low%


[personitis]

Some bot silliness.

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<person701> CRY BABY
<jk16bit_palmy_> @slap person701
* snes slaps person701 with Mike Hunt
<jk16bit_palmy_> COME AT ME
<person701> @slap Palmy
* snes slaps Palmy with 10,000 dicks
<jk16bit_palmy_> @slap person701
* snes slaps person701 with a hoers cawk
<person701> 1,000 FOLD!
<jk16bit_palmy_> oooo
<person701> Err
<person701> 10,000 FOLD!
<jk16bit_palmy_> @slap person701
* snes slaps person701 with a lawsuit
<person701> Worth a shot, huh?
<jk16bit_palmy_> THIS ENDS
<jk16bit_palmy_> Jury in my favor
<person701> %insult
<ZrnBot> Don't think of yourself as an ugly person; think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
<jk16bit_palmy_> :D
<person701> So you've got PETA on your side.
<jk16bit_palmy_> i kinda like that actually
<person701> Whoop-de-doo
* jk16bit_palmy_ is now known as beautifle
* beautifle is now known as beautiflemonkeybut
<person701> @slap dat monkey butt
* snes slaps dat monkey butt with both hands at once
<beautiflemonkeybut>  . . . . . . . . . . . .
<person701> I lol'd


[personitis]

Have another:

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<person701> Fun fact: the first time I ever reached Majora and beat the game after was my first MM any% :D
<ZeroOne> I also bought Oracle of Ages and Seasons today
<ZeroOne> Haha, what
<ZeroOne> How incredibly bass-akwards
<person701> The powe rof hovers in tha game yo.
<ZeroOne> gud keebord
<person701> Bah, one hand typing.
<ZeroOne> Other hand fapping
<person701> Other hand in potato chip bag.
<ZeroOne> That's a fucking weird euphemism


[Vismund Cygnus]

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[02:59:26] <ZeroOne> What did T-swiffy say to the police when they caught her drinking at 20? "I dont know about you, but im feeling 22"
[02:59:32] <ZeroOne> That's not even fucking funny
[02:59:38] <ZeroOne> Goddamnit Quote. Stop sucking so much.
[02:59:38] <Vismund> That was probably Quote
[02:59:38] <ShyGuy> Quote
[02:59:49] <Vismund> holy fuck

Fact: Canadians aren't funny, and everyone knows it.

[Quote58]

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[01:05:24] | <PJBoy> also, 20/2 + 7 is *17*
[01:05:32] | <PJBoy> so a 20 year old can fuck a 3 year old
[01:05:37] | <PJBoy> wait
[01:05:40] | <thedopefish> math...
[01:05:41] | <snardblat> wa......
[01:05:42] | <PJBoy> it's not 17 years difference
[01:05:47] | <PJBoy> it's 17 years or more
[01:05:57] | <snardblat> Can I quote you on that?
Such math, much smart, wow.

[Quote58]

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<Quote58>since I code in asm I prefer languages that don't use shit like this.that.such.soforth
<Friend>XD
<Quote58>I like my commands short and consistent
<Friend>sit
<Quote58>ROL
<Friend>Oh dear god -.-
Cause you know, Rotate left, and also Roll.

[Zero One]

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*Mon732 uses Mach Punch
*KentaKurodani has quit (Ping timeout: 190 seconds)
<snes> That was Drevan.
<Mon732> Well...
<ZeroOne> Good shot!

[Jordan5]

Most of my friends at college have never even heard of super metroid so they got pretty confused when this happened

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Me: Hey man
Friend: Hey, you going springball?
Me: Nah I never go, I do low%.
Friend: ...What?
Me:
Friend: I meant the spring ball in a couple months.
Me: Oh right, yeah I'm not going to that.


[Quietus]

If you did actual turn up to the ball in Morph Ball form and bounced around, I'd be super impressed.  Especially if you survive it.

[Jordan5]

Unfortunately it's formal rather than fancy dress, or that would be cool :lol:

[Zhs2]

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00:15 <Grime> [url]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/25247391/WHY-DO-YOU-DO-THIS.png[/url]
00:16 <MusicKurodani> Hahahahaha
00:17 <Scyzer> make it longer, drop down under the ledge and quickly shoot up for the others under it
00:17 <MetroidMst> That's what she said
00:17 <Scyzer> yes. yes I did.

MetroidMst secures a Jathys moment. For lazy people, Grime posted the image over here.

[JAM]

There are funny talk from Subway community.
In short, in my city on subway stations there are 2 stickers on the wall: "number" (matches the number of cars) and "E" (marks the end of train). To show machinist where to stop.

The talk:

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A: What's this numbers on the wall for? I mean, 6, 7 or 8.
B: Number match the number of cars of the train.
A: How about "E" then?
B: Approx. 2.72 cars.


[Quote58]

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<MetroidMst> @Quote
<snes> <ProjectXVIII> I've got extensive knowledge of cock.
<MetroidMst> . . .
<Quote58> woooooooow
<MetroidMst> . . . . .
<MetroidMst> . . . . . . .
<MetroidMst> @ Quote
Sometimes being called Quote can be, interesting.

[Quote58]

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@FlyGuy> Leaving me Quote?
<@FlyGuy> You French
<@Quote58> Yes
<@Quote58> But hey
<@Quote58> You're pretty fly
<@Quote58> For
<@Quote58> A
<@Quote58> White
<@Quote58> Guy
<@FlyGuy> I'm so black
<@Quote58> Okay