Mouse to Mouse

[Parabox]

Hey all you MetConst members. Everything good? Good.
Anyhow, I don't even know if a topic like this is allowed, but that's not withholding me from making a post anyway.

Wednesday 24th of March, 7:47AM

The start of another schoolday. Only got 4 hours though, makes up for the suffering. That's 4 out of 8, by the way.
Anyhow, school's not important in this post. Why? Well, I dunno. Just isn't.
Next Monday is my best friend's birthday. Of course me and his family will be there, as well as his neighbours. He's turning 17, and I'm still taller than him, while I'm only 15. You guys may remember some whiny postings of mine in the Talk of the Day topic about some girl. Well, about that.

Back in January, she always talked to Boaz (my best friend) over MSN and we kind of laughed about her because she kind of a big chin, and reddish hair, so we called her the Crimson Chin. Over time, I began to like her a little, and I almost always participated in their convos, so I added her on MSN myself. Some sweet-talking, adding her as crush on Hyves, and she was ready. I asked her on my birthday, and I got her. We lasted until Valentine's day. You see, before there was me, there was this other guy who she was in love with. Sadly for her, he didn't love her back. She broke up with me because she still was in love with him. After some asking and guessing I got to know who it was she was in love with. Boaz.

I was heartbroken anyway, but now I was angry with Boaz as well. In the end I forgave all, because Boaz already had a girlfriend and he couldn't help it all. Jaimie (that's her name by the way) couldn't help her feelings either. I tried to delete them both from my life. That didn't last long. I started hanging out with Boaz again and all was good until recently.
Jaimie got a new cellphone and asked who's number mine was, and thus we had contact again. Now that's she's unblocked be on MSN and we talk to each other again, my head is filled with thoughts I can't controll. Worst thing of all, she's going to his birthday and is basically forcing me to go to.

I don't know what to do. I can try and get her back, as she said she's practically over him, but I can also let it all pass and stay in my solitary shell.

Any advice?

[Quietus]

It sounds to me like what you need to do is not doing anything.  Continue being friends with one or both of them, and if something happens between you and Jaimie, then it does.  Trying to force the issue is likely to upset people more.  Of course, it's only a suggestion, but that's my experience.  Good luck, whatever happens.

[Zhs2]

You, sir, are a wuss. Deal with the situation as it comes, and strike when the time is right. Like Quietus said, trying to force the issue won't help - neither, for that matter, will your avoidance. Avoiding your problems is never a good way to solve them.

[FullOfFail]

I'd just leave her be. Sometimes when you act uninterested in a woman that makes them want you even more. It's like a hard to get type thing. Other than that I don't really see any point in pursuing her any further. All you're going to do is get your feelings hurt. The fact that she blocked you on msn in the first place isn't a very good sign.

[Parabox]

Well I guess I'll have to leave it all be, go to Boaz's birthday like a man, acknowledge her presence and move on with my life. God do I suck at IRL.

Well, I didn't imagine it could go this bad. I told her the truth. The entire truth. The truth in a way I have never told anyone before. I used harsh words. I made her cry. She said that everything was almost normal again, but that I had fucked up again. She said she hated me and blocked me. I made her cry.

Now I feel like vanishing. Vanishing in a way like I had never been born in the first place. I sicken myself. I sicken her. For once I absolutely don't know what to think, or say, or do. Normally I act like I am all wise or something. Truth hurts. I'm not asking you to fix me. I'm asking you to leave me be. I am broken beyond repair, and I don't want fixing. If there is a God he hates me. He hates me for not asking for forgiveness, for praying to the wrong powers, for losing all hope in myself and for making a girl cry. I deserve that. I would deserve to burn in Hell. I fear myself. I fear the truth. I am without knowledge and full of shit and hate. And I know what you're going to say."Oh, it's not that bad. Man up like you have a pair. Stop being a whiney little bitch. No I'm NOT going to ban you. You cut yourself? Hahaha seriously? Oh that's hilarious! C'mon guys, look at the little whiney bitch emo!" I would deserve it. I wouldn't have the right to mind, let alone object.

[Quietus]

I know it's easy to say, but try and relax.  Girls are a lot more forgiving than us men, so given time, she'll probably calm down, this'll all blow over, and you'll wonder what all the fuss is about.

[Parabox]

I'd rinse and repeat, binge and purge.

[Zhs2]

Stop your bitching and deal. It is admirible that you did what had to be done. What reason do you have to feel bad about it?

[Parabox]

I did it in a most monstrous way.

[Parabox]

Well. Lady Oppertuna has revealed herself to me yet again. At least partially. Next Thursday is Boaz' birthday, and he convinced her to come, even if Barbera, his girlfriend would come too, and even if I would come too. I will have to apologise for the way I acted. I want to be her friend at the very least. The last time we spoke she said no one ever understood her, and no one ever asked her how she worked, what she thought, how she felt. I'll try to become the person who knows her best. I might end up getting her back. That would take a shitload of luck, guts, time, and self controll. Things I hope I will be in possesion of in the near future. I hope she accepts my apology. Otherwise I'll have to forget. And I'm sick and tired of having to forget my past. Everytime I try to think back, I remember that I forgot purposely. I have no past I want to remember. I have nothing worth remembering. It's time to change that. I want good memories. Something to look back on when I'm old and wrinkly. Although chances are that Lady Fortuna, Lady Vita and Lady Karma won't shine their stars upon me, I should stop believing stuff like that, and start believing in myself. I mean, if I don't, who will?

With that I leave you now, feel free to reply. Any ideas, suggestions, or other shit I'll probably ignore is welcome.

[squishy_ichigo]

I don't much care for "love" relationships.  Never have.  When I meet a girl that I like, I become friends with her.

Relationships seem like to much work for not enough profit.

Not to say I will never get into one...

And with that out of the way, I can officially say I have no "advice" for you, and even if I did it should be taken as a grain of salt.

The only thing you can really do, is what you feel is right.

[Hiroshi Mishima]

There was a time in my life where I would've been all over this one with advice and such. However, I don't really there is a need, per say, as what's done is already done and people have given some good advice. I agree that you shouldn't have forced the issue.

Personally, there is a woman I love who I have never outright told how I feel. I have loved her since we were children, but I know it'd never work. I toy with the notion of writing to her and telling her how I feel, but I keep thinking it would accomplish nothing, so I say nothing.

On the other hand, the one time I did tell someone how upset I was with them, it ended very badly and me and that person are no longer friends, so I don't often tell people what I think about them, either.

Perhaps all this time on the internet has left me jaded or indifferent, even though it bothers me endlessly. I know you're young so you will probably survive this fairly well intact. I do want to say one thing, however, and that is don't rush things. I made the mistake of rushing very fast with my relationship with my fiancee and it nearly cost me it twice and thankfully we were both mature enough to talk it over and consul out differences and are still together after all these years, although in the end our relationship may not be what it originally was.

As Quietus said, girls are a lot more forgiving than many men realize, so try to take it slow and see what happens, and like I said, don't force/rush it. If you feel you were a dick, maybe you should say so, though.

[Digital_Mantra]

I have no advice unless you describe in detail how 'monstrous' you were.
I've been a real shit to my woman for years so I don't know the magnitude of this dilemma.
Either way, if this situation were in my shoes, I'd say fuck it and move on.

[Parabox]

Well Boaz' party last night was pretty cool. Made up with Jaimie. Decided I'm going to keep it good friends. Dunno where else to look for a woman though... Oh well, you know the saying. There aren't holes in every cheese.

[Parabox]

Aight, so this is the deal. Shit's been happenin' left 'n' right over the past few weeks. Jaimie asked me something today. She asked me to stop being like this, all sad, and become the guy she used to love. I don't know much about women, but I hope this is a hint. I hope that if I act positive again, and we talk more and chill out with each other more that I might get her back.

Also, the hottest girl in my class, Kaylee, has something with this 18 year old. I could easily have gotten her with my type of humour, which almost no one likes, but now it's too late. She's gonna stick with this guy and eventually get married. We're still pretty good friends though. Funny how things turn out to be, eh?

All and all, I'm feeling pretty good, and don't mind the way things turned out that much anymore. I hope on a bright future, and am working on it too.

- Deku out

[Quietus]

Try not to read too much into the Jamie situation.  I'm not claiming to be an expert on women, but it sounded like she's noticed you act differently now, and she'd like you to be how you used to be.  Women are more open with these things, but it rarely means what us men want it to mean.

I'm not saying it won't happen, just tread lightly. :^_^:

[Altzan]

Just remember, while relationships are important, they aren't everything. If it doesn't work out, don't destroy your outlook on everything.
You should never consider suicide, for instance, just because of a relationship. I'm not saying you did, that is just an example.

Basically, a friendlier version of what certain others said.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Keep that head up!  :^_^:

[Parabox]

Ahhh summer. Almost there. Just a week away from vacation. Unsure if I'm gonna make it to the next year, though. Oh well, I don't care for school now.
Now I just want to relax. Enjoy the sun, take a swim. Going to Hungary when school's officially over.
Jaimie is having a difficult time. She might not pass as well. Doing an extra assignment. All and all she's a trainwreck. I might slowly make a move on her. I don't like seeing her sad. And I haven't seen her that happy since we were together.
No gameplan. I'm going to play this by ear (heart). I haven't got many other places to look for a girl. And the places I can I probably already have looked. There's not much decent left.

Now for a retrospect:
I tried again at this girl I've been trying at for 7 years. She, besides Jaimie, is one of the few girls I actually love(d).
I had a short internet relationship with this girl I met in a theme park 2 years ago. She started ignoring me, lol.
Was constantly on the verge of telling me best friend that I was going after his sister. Thank god I didn't.

If nothing works out, I could always try and shoot for a vacation love in Hungary, right? Right?

Anyways, root for me and thanks for being there.

DekuKnight, signing off.

[Zhs2]

I would like to point out that having a girlfriend before you have a good paying job is desirable, but almost certainly not necessary, much less mandatory. Don't kill yourself over it.

[Parabox]

I would like to remind YOU that I'm not of such an age that I can get a real job.

[Zhs2]

Hence why getting a girlfriend shouldn't be something you're killing yourself over, ESPECIALLY at your age.

[Parabox]

Ah like so. Well I'm trying to grow numb for, well, everything. Even if I would get hurt, it hurts a little less each time.

[Phazar]

I actually know how you feel throughout most of this blog.  If I remember enough from the past, one of the reasons I created Phazar was to give myself something--speed running and hacking--that would take my mind away from certain real-life matters(mostly involving a girl and the pain I felt).  It's been quite a few years since then, but I still remember the pain.  However, it is not something that you should constantly torture yourself about.  Move on, wait until the next high school dance or something like that, and then maybe you coud try at a time like that.

[Parabox]

Lol I'm not much of a partygo-er. My class had a BBQ, a high tea and a visit to McDonald's at the end of the schoolyear. I didn't go to any of those. Plus, my class sucks anyways. There is a slight chance that I won't pass, which would mean new, suckier class. And this godforsaken year again. The only school dance you get is basically 'senior prom'.

But have no fear, I'm not sad all the time. I can keep myself busy with whatever, such as MetConst, both forum and IRC, my YouTube subscriptions, the news, Jeniffer Government: NationStates, the Looking For Group webcomic, Doom, what-ev-er.

[Digital_Mantra]

protip: once you start getting pussy (and you will, it just happens), you'll just get ultra depressed again, about some new plateau you have yet to encounter/conquer/obtain.