The lore of MP Hunters: GT Edition.

[dewhi100]

I've never played MP Hunters, but I saw that MST has posted his first session playing the Google Translate edition by kkzero. I'm beginning to piece together the story- the lore seems to go pretty deep. Does this seem correct to those of you who played the original?

[spoiler]
Samus is feeling bloated. She is sent to investigate government efficiency after the power lines fail, specifically collecting data on nuclear power plant locations. Her first stop is a British R+D lab where antisocial manga collectors are being encased in candles. The candles are then converted into cellulite by metallic bacteria. Samus meets another inspector, Cindy. Cindy turns into a worm and runs away, but she and Samus later meet to test one of the candle labs for OSHA compliance. Having completed her tour, Cindy departs. Samus encounters the Creator, a massive candle and overseer of all the other candle experiments. This candle is composed of aluminum, and it attempts to use psychological warfare on Samus. She destroys the Creator, and receives coal (for some reason). Despite having collected a few nuclear maps, Samus resists getting educated. Several diseased Chileans waylay her, but she is able to leave the lab.

Next, Samus investigates counterfeiting operations on the Capitol planet. Her first stop is the local library, which has lots of creative commons galaxy scans contained on cell phones. She finds that the geemer "house house" of representitives is taking a vote regarding foreign aid to Zebes in the form of vegetables. At this point, her journey is interrupted by a propaganda broadcast saying not to think too hard. This is followed by a broadcast about King and Queen Jelly's royal wedding. Samus goes on to study the historical Shite Wars, and the Squirrel Prophecies. It is at this point that she attracts the attention of Spire.

Spire is the conservative leader of a robot revolution and is collecting weapons for the cause. He claims to be Samus' husband, and attempts to deploy a hit squad of millitant Quebecois ducks, but Samus teaches him an important lesson in domestic violence. Arriving at a Tesla dealership, Samus finds the manager, Slunz, restrained by tentacles. Her efforts to free Slunz are not appreciated as it is attempting to become a tentacle factory! Samus collects more coal, and gets a phone call. Satisfied, Samus leaves. On the way, she finds Battenmon smuggling weapons to Anchorage. She bombs his ass and leaves the capitol planet.

Samus goes looking for the "Architect", Archimedes, supposedly suffering from cancer ("bulging with tumors"). Samus first encounters survivors of the candle experiments, all named Jasmine. She is then dive-bombed by environmentalist Israeli pigeons (famous for dive-bombing their own children when offered ten quarters, as long as it's not happening in their own nest). Methods, the New York ambassador to the UK, is here, huffing nitrus oxide and lobbying to ban healthcare. Samus proves herself to be the superior lobbyist, and ices the ambassador. After some searching, Samus goes to internet court, and gains the power to judge people.

It turns out that Archimedes has used gene splicing to create a military, and crushed his enemies so that he can devote his time to philosophy and spiritual pursuits. Samus enters Archimedes' sanctum, and quickly browses his notes about retribution against those who misuse the Bible. She also discovers that the exported relief vegetables are being transformed into soldiers! It is now that the true nature of Archimedes' tumors are revealed- consumed by his own bio-warfare vectors, Archimedes has become the abomination "Slench 2A". Enraged that his reverie has been disturbed, Slench attacks! Dispatching Slench (after a while), Samus retrieves his coal. Again, she must race back to her ship in order to receive a phone call. Archimedes' tank repairman follows Samus, looking for a date. Samus rejects his advances. More sick refugees show up and are shown due hospitality.

Samus' next survey takes her to a munitions depot in Illinois. Here, sunflower seeds are being converted into explosives. Due to a defect in the process (at first suspected to be from inferior seeds supplied by pirates), the refinery has exploded, releasing toxic gas into the atmosphere. Samus then drops into a pit of teachers trying to educate her, but prevails and recovers more nuclear data. Browsing the base's logs, Samus learns that the the refinement technology was known to be flawed, and yet knowing that, the gaurds had gone on to misuse seeds for "romantic" purposes. Apparently upset with either this gross misconduct or with the resulting refinery incident, the Arabs attacked and took no prisoners. The survivors have been holed up, waiting on the weather to clear, and using a brain in a jar to think up more biological weapons. Samus discovers the bizarre mutant brain, and after threatening it with explosives, recovers a depleted nuclear battery. Shortly afterwards, a THIRD wave of sick people mobs Samus. Samus cures them, of being alive.

Samus meets up with the financial consultant Solox, no doubt dispatched due to the facility's obvious exercises in waste, non-compliance, and gross misconduct. Solox attempts to audit Samus. It's a difficult process, and Solox's dark side emerges: his compulsive gambling habit. Under the alias of "Lockheed", Solox has been using aluminum harvested from the remains of Creator to craft silverware and repay his debts. Solox calls for his manager, Dylan 7, in order to assist him. Despite the additional scrutiny, Samus is has become swollen enough to be deemed "too big to fail". Solox departs to report his findings. Continuing into the heart of the fortress, Samus discovers a reborn Creator. Solox's mission is shown to be a cover story, as he was clearly here to harvest its aluminum and fuel his addiction. The reborn creator is far more powerful, but Samus eventually destroys it and exits the base.

At this point, Samus has gathered plenty of nuclear data, and yet everyone in charge has been carrying coal. Robot slaves are fighting for freedom in the capital, led by a misogynist with terrible acne. New York is trying to convince the UK to drop healthcare. Vegetables are being converted into weapons of war, using technology provided by the brilliant religious nut Archimedes. And shut-in weaboos are being harvested for their fat, which seems to be getting converted into aluminum. Does Samus have a thyroid condition, or just an allergy?  Finally, why are there so many refugees and teachers? And why are they all so fixated on Samus?
[/spoiler]

What does it all mean? Will the power fail? And will it all be revealed in time for Galactic Thanksgiving?