Written for the Sake of a Pun.

[DSO]

Written for the Sake of a Pun.

A Tragic Romance Tale of Two Jerks You Shouldn't Be - By Deep Storytelling Operator


I was driving this girl to a fancy sit-down restaurant, the kind that pretty much exists to drain the wallets of young men at the insistence of women who sadly too often turn out not to be worth the trouble. But after numerous attempts by this one girl to influence my thought patterns by dropping subtle hints that real men would take her to such a place, but also making clear "n-not that I'm attracted to such a person", I decided I would make her finally shut up about it. So here I am, driving my car, plagued by whatever horrible thing is coming out of the speakers while a menace to society sits in the passenger seat, controlling my stereo and pretending that she owns my car. When I say menace to society, I mean it, just watch this.

I intentionally miss the exit I'm supposed to take from the freeway. Now, in a moving vehicle, surrounded by other moving vehicles filled with other living beings, this girl decides now is the perfect time to explode in anger, loudly declaring that god must exist so I can receive divine punishment for being such a stupid idiot, and more importantly; repeatedly slapping my face for my 'mistake' while in the middle of traffic. Knowing this abuse was coming I control my outward emotion and my vehicle and make it to the next exit.

I think it's clear to you what kind of girl I am talking about now. I mean, I've told you nothing about her appearance and yet you've probably already got a mental image of her in your head. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she has twin pigtails. Anyway, she keeps up this miffed act while I drive through back roads to get where we should be. I pretend road rage and honk my distinctive car horn at a conveniently slow-moving car. I would've honked my horn anyway, cause it'll be important for later, but this was just a good opportunity. Finally we get to the restaurant at which point suddenly she acts like everything is hunky-dory between us, my analysis of her behavior suggesting that the sight of the restaurant serves as a tangible reminder of how wastefully she's going to spend my hard-earned money. But enough psych-analysis and on to our reservation.

I had made sure to get a window table, so I sit down and just go with the flow at this point, looking over the menu. I'm sure you can tell I'm playing my own game here, but honestly I'm a little nervous at this next part. Based on the success of trash like '50 Shades ', I've made what I consider a risky choice, assuming that she will fall in love with me more (and increase the coming payoff later) if I act in a creepy, domineering fashion. It really shouldn't work, but when dealing with a caricature of a person like this... After memorizing the most expensive items on the menu, I tell her I'm getting her a surprise and pull her menu away from her too. Again she gets upset, but just points her finger at me in a pose I'm sure you can picture in your mind and tells me that she's not playing along because she likes me and don't dare get the wrong idea.

Exactly as predicted.

After ordering the most expensive meals on the menu with added drinks, I resume making the pointless small talk as her mental state constantly changes, bipolar like a spinning magnet. Finally, she gets up to use the restroom. Quickly I flag down our waiter, order desserts and more drinks, and write down a note. I successfully complete preparations before she emerges and head out to my car. I monitor through the window with a zoomed in video camera and wait. She comes back to see I'm not at the table but deserts are along with a note. Maybe she thinks I took the opportunity to use the restroom myself. I press record as she picks up the note to read it. I shine my brights right into the store and honk my distinctive horn so she knows it's me. Her face was priceless. Then I drove off into the night. It was awesome. If you want to know what was on the note, it was a stupid pun. But that just made it even better for how I used it.

"The girl got dumped over dinner because her timing. SHE WAS TOO TSUN."


The moral of the story is don't be anything like the characters in this story.
But I had fun writing it.
For the Sake of a Pun.

[Quietus]

It reminds be of the time I played a trick on a Chinese kid at school after he kept missing commas and full stops out of his written work. He looked unimpressed when I said "punked you, Asian".

Or the sad story about when I was neatly ripping some paper before somebody nudged my elbow - a real tear jerker.

Or the mechanic who loved making funny stories about giant robots - the mechanic dotes on mech anecdotes.

:^_^:

[Zero One]

A penguin is driving his car down a road, when it starts making odd noises. He pulls his car into a garage and asks the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic tells the penguin that it might take a couple of hours and he should come back then, so the penguin wanders off. He comes back a couple of hours later with an ice-cream cone in his hand. The mechanic looks at him and says "it looks like you've blown a seal". Penguin says, "no, it's just ice cream!"