100% Real* and Totally Official** Hyper Metroid LORE

[Boomerang]

(Freaking epic poster for the lore)
[spoiler][/spoiler]

Upon the request of millions of fans and many millions more enemies, I have posted here, for all to see, and to indelibly stain the sanctity of Metroid Construction forever more, the entirety of the totally official Hyper Metroid lore that I have written thus far. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry, it will make you plot my destruction. Please enjoy and please hack Metroid.

CHAPTER 1
[spoiler]Chapter 1
Samus and Adam spirited themselves away to a penthouse suite on the planet Norion. The fight against the space pirates, the scourge of the Galactic Federation, was neverending, but the couple felt that they deserved a brief period of respite. The suite was illuminated softly by aromatic candles - Sandalwood, Samus' favourite - with a lone figure sitting anxiously on the bed. Adam focused on his breathing; he was trained to do so whenever he was nervous. Galactic Federation officers were trained in the ways of centering oneself during stressful situations. Suddenly, the bathroom door slowly creaked open, slowly revealed a blonde woman in frilly, blue lingerie.

Adam's heart skipped a beat. Samus smirked. "You've been a bad boy," said the woman. "I think you need to be punished." Adam's eyes carefully took in her figure in all its sensuality, save for the one spot he dared not look. She was so beautiful, and yet... The dulcet tones of her voice slowly fell away as Adam could no longer ignore the main event. She approached Adam, hips swinging. She was equipped, on her pelvis, with something even mightier than her Chozo-made arm cannon... it was going to be one hell of a Tuesday night.[/spoiler]

CHAPTER 2
[spoiler]Chapter 2
Valdersday, the 47th of Hectember, year 2094 of the Galactic Calendar.

It was a still night in the outskirts of Conmetts, the capital city of the Galactic Federation, covered by a black, starless sky. The technology and expansion of the human race meant not only its prosperity, but also the end of starlight. None could recall the sight of the forests, the plains, the hills illuminated by the stars anymore. The only way humanity could see them, those guiding lights, was to travel among them, to cast aside the life-giving earth and brave the unknown frontier.

A small condominium on a nondescript corner of a featureless street in the outskirts of Conmetts. Despite the warm summer evening, no one walked the streets. Attacks by the Space Pirates recently escalated, necessitated the installation of a striclty-enforced curfew. An otherwise silent street corner, broken by the vestigial sound of fans and ventilation units powered by the city.

Inside, a dark room, faintly lit through the blinders by the street lights outside. The fluorescent glow of the lamps shone on a broken chair, a shattered wine glass, tossed cushions, and a single, lone figure, quietly sobbing on the floor. Whatever chaos had occurred in this room had long past, leaving only wounds in its wake.

Clasped in his hands were a peaked hat, a symbol of his status as a Galactic Federation Commander, now wrinkled and awash with his tears.
The illuminated figure's gasps slowly quieted, and finally he raised his head. In the shattered glass, he saw his reflection: sharp eyes, ones which projected confidence and a measured demeanour, now flush with pain, stared back at him. "The great Commander Adam Malkovich," he uttered, as if reprimanding the man reflected in the glass, "reduced to this...?"

The man glanced over his shoulder, steadying his breath, and inspected the picture frames on the wall. He saw the smiling faces of his comrades, the soldiers under his command, beaming with pride. Among them were brilliant men whose lives had been tragically cut short in the fight with the Space Pirates. His gaze lingered on them most of all. He saw Alden C. Exeter, who lost his life in a doomed skirmish on the Planet Aether. Perhaps, by remembering that old wound, he could dull the pain of what happened that night.

To no avail. He could not ignore her picture forever. The shining star of the Galactic Federation, the famed bounty hunter... and the love of his life. Samus Aran. He could not help but take her picture down from the wall, and suddenly he crumpled again. He leaned against the wall as he fell, beyond the reach of the light from the streetlamps outside, clutching to tight to his breast the frame of the one he loved.

He still couldn't believe it. How could he have been so betrayed? As a soldier, he was used to placing his trust in others... but he shared something with her that was far more valuable. Vulnerability. He had let her into his heart, and now it was as if a tempest had scoured it. The warmth of love had now been replaced with the burning pangs of anguish.

He could deny the truth no longer. The life they shared, the memories they made, they were all lies. She had left him for someone else, and worst of all, the child they had created was not even his. She had stormed out earlier to go see the real father; his dashing smile and his devil-may-care attitude quite unlike his own.

His name? Sonic the Hedgehog.[/spoiler]

CHAPTER 3
[spoiler]Chapter 3

Mercursday, the 48th of Hectember, year 2094 of the Galactic Calendar

Adam Malkovich. Acclaimed commanding officer of the Galactic Federation. Tales of his exploits became legend among soldiers and grunts across the galaxy, and inspired dread among Space Pirates. His wits and cunning were only matched by his stern, unforgiving demeanour; Adam expected only the best, and he only gave his best in return. Adam was a man invincible: all contingencies accounted for; all strategies considered. Even through the chaos of battle, through the unrestrained noise, Adam could spot even the most minute flaws in an enemy's strategy and exploit it, turning the tides of even the most desperate battles.

It is said that an invincible man has no weaknesses. And for a time, Adam thought himself to have none. No family to endanger, friendships tempered by the unending war against the Space Pirate menace, and not even the smallest mote of cowardice. Adam was at all times ready to give his life for the cause... if the enemy was worthy enough to have it. Countless times, he proved the enemies unworthy. Such was his prowess, both on and off the battlefield.

Time, however, has a way of eroding even the most stalwart aegises. Adam's downfall was not the result of a single, fatal mistake, but rather the culmination of a series of choices that lead him to become his own undoing...

These thoughts swirled in his mind as Adam looked at himself in his bathroom mirror, the whirr of the fluorescent lightbulb just overtop drilling into his ears like a dentist's handpiece. It had been a long time since he had hangover - long enough for the pain to feel new.

He looked down at his hands as he clasped the vanity; he noticed faint bruises along his knuckles. He must have unleashed his indignation upon some poor, unsuspecting wall inside his apartment complex. No hidden items, no missile packs, not even a secret morph passage for... her... to use.

Her. As the face of Samus Aran, his former lover, filled his mind, all over again, the pain surged back into very core of Adam's being. Amidst the sorrow that held him like a vice grip, however, was something new. The slightest twinge of fury had taken hold of Adam's heart.

"How could she have betrayed me," Adam thought, finally looking back up at the mirror. The man looking back at him was still broken, but slowly, very slowly, his face twisted, warping his once-handsome features into something more akin to a beast.

With the red-hot mote of fury in his heart still building, Adam quickly paced out of his bathroom and into the living room still in disarray from the night before. Adam cursed, and with all his foolish might, kicked the table. He cursed again, even more fiercely, somewhat ashamed that he had stubbed his toe in fury, but this only fueled the fire. What began as a small ember of anger in his heart was beginning to erupt into a mighty inferno, and Adam could do naught but curse the world, curse Sonic the Hedgehog, but most of all, curse Samus Aran.

Well, he was not going to take this affront sitting down. He had given everything to her, and he was destroyed for it. Adam Malkovich was not going to be made the fool of. He paced around the room even faster, air surging through his nose like a furious bull. He thought for a moment until, suddenly, he stopped, turned towards the modest oak desk in the corner of the room, and opened his laptop.

Adam Malkovich had a plan, but he would need assistance for that plan to come to fruition. The gears of destiny were beginning to turn, the inertia of fate changing radically, all at the hands of the cuckold with rage. Unbeknownst to Adam, the fate of the Galactic Federation would be forever changed.

"Dear Ridley."[/spoiler]

CHAPTER 4
[spoiler]Chapter 4

Terrasday, the 50th of Hectember, year 2094 of the Galactic Calendar.

A soft rumble of thunder crept over the city as a torrential downpour assaulted the reflective, fibreglass monoliths that adorned the skyline. Adam had donned a hooded trench coat and entered the red-light district of Conmetts, careful to make sure his face was concealed. The clouds overhead churned and roiled, occasionally illuminated by flashes of lightning, as if the sky itself, Adam thought, was the scene of the final battle between good and evil. Visibility was poor; the raindrops were relentless, such that they obscured the faces—and also his own—of the people he passed on his way to his appointment. It would not do for a commanding officer of the Galactic Federation to be seen in a place like this, but Adam no longer considered himself a man so much as a beast situating itself to strike its prey. A brief flash of guilt washed over him; how low was he willing to go to exact his revenge, he wondered. As if washed away by the rain, this guilt faded, too. It was too late to turn back, now. Far too late.

The air was thick with the smell of ozone as Adam strode down the streets of the red-light district. Adam fixed his gaze upon the dimly lit apartments in nearby complexes, wondering if they, too, have been so wronged. The city's population stabilized somewhere around twenty-five million people. Surely, out of those multitudes, there was someone who shared his pain. For all his accomplishments for the Federation, however, the dizzying breadth of the city diminishes a man, isolating groups of people into disparate circles. Someone to whom he might connect, like he did with Samus, was far out of his reach.

Adam arrived at his destination: Hacker's. It was a dive, to be sure; more like a hovel than a proper bar. Adam could not imagine a more wretched place, but it was certainly not going to be patroned by any Federation officers, nor, he thought, would anyone's prying eyes bother to give him a second glance.

A faint jingle of a bell accompanied Adam's entrance into the bar. He briefly scanned the interior, searching for the one he had expected to meet here. Booth lanterns illuminated tobacco smoke as it wafted through the air. Tending the bar was an older, yet sensual Phrygisian woman, who was, Adam noticed, quite effectively schmoozing her customers. In the far corner was Gandrayda—no, it couldn't be. She died, corrupted by the Phazon menace years ago. It was cycling through different facades, all of whom were adorned in revealing clothes that accentuated their unique charms. Some were clearly more popular with the bar goers than others; the Luminoth form inspired many catcalls from the audience, with one exception: a hooded figure, like him, solitarily downing a mug of a frothy golden liquid. He'd found him.

Adam took a seat across from the hooded figure. "I hope I didn't keep you."

"Not at all. Though, I must admit," the figure replied, taking another swig, "it came as quite a shock when you reached out to me, given our... positions."

"Yes, well..." Adam sighed and straightened his posture. "Given the circumstances, I'm sure you understand why I have called you here, and what you stand to gain from this arrangement."

The figure across from him also straightened, the hood revealing, for a moment, the fact that this was indeed the one he was looking for. Deep violet scales, with burning yellow sclerae that evinced a deeply murderous, and violent nature. The one sitting across the table was, in fact, the leader of the Space Pirates, Ridley. In that moment, Adam was suddenly struck by a surreal feeling. How had Ridley managed to fit that cloak on himself?
Before Adam could reason out the scenario in his head, Ridley leaned forward and looked him in the eye, as if probing the depths of his mind for an answer to a question he did not know.

"Before I agree to anything, I have to ask," said Ridley, his ferocious reptilian face inscrutable. "Do you really want to go through with this? I know she hurt you, but I am well aware that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You only hate her this strongly because you loved her with equal intensity. Surely you understand that this will bring you no peace?"

Adam sat dumbfounded.

Ridley continued, "When my fiancée left me at the altar, I too was consumed with rage, but killing her brought me no peace. That isn't merely because we somehow get resurrected every few years, rendering the act of killing a bit trivial, but because you don't get over someone by indulging in your worst impulses. You move forward by finding new passions, new horizons, new... love!"

Adam continued to sit, still just as dumbfounded.

"It's not as if Samus was the only one for you," said Ridley, as he placed his boney, disgusting hand on his arm in an act Adam could only hazard to guess was reaffirming in some dark, twisted corner of the galaxy. "You're a CO for the Federation. You're good looking. Well, for a human, anyway. You've got a great job. A good pension. There are others out there. If you hate Samus, the best revenge is to move on. If you love her, let her pursue her own path. Just don't destroy yourself in the process."

Adam pondered Ridley's words for a few moments. Finally, he also leaned forward, and said, "Look. She cucked me with that slippery rat bastard, Sonic the Hedgehog. I don't care how we do it, I don't care. I want her gone. If it destroys me, so be it."

Adam met Ridley's gaze with a fierce, determined glare. For an instant, Adam's eyes seemed to burn even more brightly than Ridley's.

"So," said Adam, unmoving, "are you in, or are you out?"

"Well," Ridley said slowly, taking the time to give Adam's proposition the proper consideration. He leaned back casually, lifting his forearm onto the back of his chair. He drew a long breath, and exhaled, filling the room with the faint scent of sulfur. "Sonic is kind of a dick..."

"Perfect. So, here's what we'll do..."[/spoiler]


* Probably not real
** Probably not official